My birth chart is my therapist
And that's the legitimate truth. [Content includes: PTSD & mental health triggers]
I am human and I have a full ass life that get's hard as FUCK some days. Today was one of those days...
I don't have a therapist. I know a lot of people in my life wish that I did...but I have spent most of my life healing in silence and that's become a part of who I am.
There are many things that contribute to my habit of disassociation and the lack that's attached to my sense of identity, my roots. I've spent a lot of my time in self-exploration lately and unfortunately, there is an inner peace that I can offer myself that I have yet to experience in a therapeutic setting.
Treatable symptoms...yes I have plenty. Though, I could probably benefit from a few sessions with a psychiatrist for a solid Dx or 2...or 3. But that's neither here nor there....
Sometimes when I feel myself "slipping" (a phrase I use to signify when my mental health symptoms are escalating and I can feel a high or a low before it happens) I try to offer myself some clarity so that I can have a chance at working it through. This is generally the best time for a therapeutic intervention, for those of us who suffer from (complex) PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder). In the times when I feel myself "slipping", depending on how rapid the slippage feels, I try to do a few specific things to help me stay grounded & present.
There are plenty of mindfulness techniques we can use, but the main goal should be to find a safe place and safe person and a safe way to express what's really happening. These 3 things, are what experts say, are the formula to mitigating the effects and heal from adverse experiences (I kind of hate the word trauma at this point, so I try to find other ways of saying that same thing without actually saying the T word.) For some of us, in most situations when we begin to feel ourselves start to "slip" we are lacking if not 1 or 2, we are lacking all of these things.
For me, I spent many many years concealing my triggers, my wounds and lying about abuse that I was experiencing--during this time I had to find a way to have these 3 things, without anyone knowing that it was what I needed (including myself...because at that time, I really had no idea what to do, how to help myself or how to be "better"). It took me a few years, but I finally realized that sometimes my safe space is within, and sometimes my safe person is my Self. In fact, more often than not, that seems to be the case.
Self-exploration means I am my own container to find healing within. Self-exploration opens up an endless supply of knowledge and power. Creating a healing space within your Self means that you never have to be without it. I have come to learn that people that I love are not always a safe space for my healing--at I have to honor that for both their well-being, and my own. I also have come to learn that not all spaces are safe for me be emotionally vulnerable, or to share my healing journey within. Some spaces are not conducive to making my being well, secure or resilient. I have also come to learn that the energy I receive from people and places can be fluid.
Self-exploration has opened me to the the beauty of my own Birth Chart. If you would like to learn more about what a birth chart is, or to see your full chart, follow the link below--you will need access to your birth date, time and location.
In fact, even though I have spent the better part of 3 the last 3 years really diving in and doing some serious research--I am still making self-discoveries within my chart, and learning so much about astrology in general and how it affects my relationships. Anyways--today was a FUCKING day. I was thrown for a loop, over-whelmed and left feeling really ungrounded...starting to slip. Normal things that might not upset a "normal" brain, but my brain is on "PTSD" and we genuinely cannot differentiate between a perceived threat and a real threat. Our brain is literally conditioned to respond in full "survival"/ flight or fight mode and it's an actual task to stop the chemicals for spilling into our nervous system before reaching the complete of total toxic trauma response.
Mindfulness is proven to help slippage. My need for a safe place and person, drew me within to my birth chart today. Honestly, after reading the first paragraph, I felt more sure of myself, more focused on who I truly am and ways I might be able to find my "self" before it was too late.
Cancer needs roots. They resist change to an extent, and concern themselves about being secure and safe in most everything they do...Cancer is a very sensitive sign, and they don't always appreciate it when you are blunt with them. Their reactions to hurt will depend on how thick a shell they have developed. Most Cancers react by withdrawing or retreating.
Yes, I do notice this about myself. Yes, I do notice that this might be influencing how I feel in the present moment. Yes, I am my safe space for healing. No, my shell is not very thick right now. Why is my shell so thin? Why did I let myself be vulnerable with these people, in this place? Yes, it is better for me to withdraw, and retreat within to process, hold my emotions accountable and hold my response until I can be proud of it.
I need to spend more time with my Self. In reflection, before times when I start to slip. Before I need to reach down into the pit of PTSD and pull my Self back out..again. My birth chart is not always 100% accurate but it's at least the start of a map that I can fill in as I go. Some of the legend still needs to be noted, and the terrain of the land isn't always exactly what we expected. But it's a start, its a safe space, an honest friend and reflection.
Holding space, hope this helps